I’m glad I saw this after clearing my conscience with the library!
In unrelated news, I am so stressed out that I’m grinding my teeth at night, which means that by day I have jaw pain which feels like someone is repeatedly piercing my inner ear with a sharp knife. (Unfortunately, I didn’t have to reach too deep for this metaphor. This is exactly what it feels like.) I need a vacation. On top of the full time career and three classes I am going out of town twice in the next month (New Orleans/Eunice and Orlando), hosting Joe’s sisters and Grandma in April (in a house that is SO not ready for visitors), trying to get Annabelle into our dream school, and just all the everyday junk that comes with life.
I had to get to work early this morning, and Annabelle broke my heart by completely melting down when I left. I feel so damn guilty for all the days when I don’t see her from the time I drop her off at Mimi’s in the morning until the time I get out of class - way past her bedtime - and come in to kiss her sweet little face and rock her to a deeper sleep. For the times when I should be playing with her, enjoying every moment, but instead have to study or work or cook or clean. How did I get from being a full-time stay-at-home Mommy a year ago to this Deadbeat Mom I feel like now?
I need to find balance. I need to reconnect with my family. I need to remember what’s important.
Well. This is not the direction I planned to take in this post - obviously - but there you have it. It’s certainly something to think about.